Wednesday, June 30, 2010

They call me "Home Run Javy". . .

. . . until the playoffs. Then, they call me "Grand Slam Javy."

Here it is in the 2nd inning, and I just dealt a gift to some bum with a "B" on Seattle. That pitch was as big as the Big Apple itself. I guess I was pissed off, 'cause next batter up, I hit. I can't believe I'm hitting subnormal hitters on the 2nd or 3rd worst team in the American League. May be time for me to visit AJ Burnett's grandpa in Arkansas.

Even "Mister .220" Milton Bradley makes it to first safe on a grounder. As my mentor (who--oddly--chooses to remain anonymous) used to say, "The longer the season . . . the longer the season." Especially to you Yankee fans. "The longer the season . . . the longer the season."

As a positive approach, I've taken to watching all video in games where I had a lead! Which is usually only the first inning of any game, possibly only the first batter. But whether it's the first inning or the first batter, maybe it'll wear off, and I'll get used to having a lead.

One last item:
I decided that two days before every start, I will not take a shower, so at least I have an excuse to stink. Anybody says "You stink"--they're right!

That's it for now from Home Run Javy. As I'll be called soon by my teamies. That is, at least, until the playoffs, if we make them, where my name will change. Please don't let me load the bases!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Echolalic JAVY

From now on, I'm gonna watch a video of Koufax or Gibson instead that bum on the mound Dontrelle Willis —because I caught whatever he has
cause I couldn't find the plate
so I texted Pedroia and he said That's because You're not in Boston, Javy
and I texted back No, not the Boston Club, Dude... Home plate...


News Update
Joey G. wakes up and realizes 1998-2000 dynasty manufactured runs with a leadoff hitter named Knoblach and the rest was history, so... Brett Gardner will be the Yankees new leadoff hitter...

A.J.Burnout update (from Arkansas)

Yeah, I had to hightail it back here and work on my mechanics... They been sitting around, doing nothing —so i had to light a fire under their asses and have'em get back to work on my Chevelle... Be back in LA to lose another... Maybe I can be the pitcher that lets Manny break Gherig's Grand Slam Record... add me to more Yankee lore... like, giving up 3 home runs in the first inning after 2 outs...

Javy back, fans... Hey, no fair... stop booing... I can't see the signs... or the writing on the wall...
well, we're only down 2 to 1... the night is young...

Friday, June 11, 2010

TRADE IN AMERICA

OK, Fans —so what do you think? Will I make my start tomorrow, or will I be starting for
the Astros?
See... The Yankees get Cliff Lee from Seattle for whatever these minor league dude's names
are
and
then trade me to Houston for Berkman
so
they got a DH (not Nick Johnson —whose DH stands for Dude Hurt)

So maybe Javy be taking a space shuttle to Houston
and
I'll have to morph this blog into
A.J. Burnout (instead of Burnett)
whose mechanics haven't been so great
they messed up the 357 in his '69 chevelle

Dude Hurt...

Sunday, June 6, 2010

LIKE TO THANK MY TEAMMATES



JAVY one lucky dog today, Yankee Fans... Lucky, Lucky, Lucky...

Man, I'm the only cat in the history of the world who could lose a no-hitter for the Yankees...
I guess being unique at something is something —but
Dude, I'd rather not be that big a one of a kind schmuck, you know what I mean...
One pitch...one lousy pitch... first hit of the goddamned game... inning 7... mierda... Why?
Why me? I'm getting a bit down on my ability to pitch in a big situation... well, at least to pitch good, you know... to make good pitches in a big situation... I've got my doubts, just like a lot of you out there, right?... I mean, why do I buckle under pressure... why can't I stand tall when the going gets tough and get going... I'm going to be going to a national league team —Hey!
My next start could be against my next team —The Astros! Maybe the Yankees'll trade me
while I'm on the mound... Then I might be the only one that that has ever happened to...
so i'll continue my uniquedom and my run of the milldom when a big out is needed...
consistency's the Key....

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

BEER TODAY, GONE TOMORROW

Javy deserves about 17 cervesas today, don't you think — I mean... my first actual non-walk off
win at home this season and not one boo (well, one boo) —my neighbor in New Jersey —or is it New York State, I not really sure... it gets all confusing out there... it might even be Pennsylvania - i don't really know... I'll have to ask my accountant who to make out the tax check to...anyhow, my neighbor booed because my cocker spaniel Whitson finally became unconstipated and went on his lawn yesterday morning, but I was able to turn off his bad vibes and win, baby — win and I came to the park feeling good in the first place because Whitson cleared his bowels... so it was a stellar day in the world of Javy, let me tell you... I know, it was tentative there for a while, like... i give up only two hits and one of them is a home run and the score is tied 1-1, and if not for my compadre
Tejada (another who went back to the same team he never won with either) and that dumb throwing error — who knows... I might've still needed a walk off to win at the stadium, but such was not the case so it's on to next... Moving Forward...where, I don't know? New York? New jersey? Pennsylvania? I'll let you know next April from Houston...