BYE BYE JAVY (FOREVER) —(this time)

CLIFF LEE's coming... Pack your bags, JAV

CLIFF LEE'S coming... Pack your bags, JAV

Pack

You better–better pack pack your bags

CLIFF LEE'S coming —better walk, Jav

cause you never ever did your part

BYE BYE, JAVY

fingers crossed

don't step on the basepath line

pass go

and collect 200 "Suck"s

BYE BYE JAV

BYE BYE JAVY'S MESS

HELLO CLIFF LEE'S BEST

I think I'm gonna sigh

BYE BYE JAVY BYE BYE

cashman must make up for the lack of offseason success now

brian baby

pull the trigger

Javier Vasquez for a Carls Cheesesteak from section whatever

Do it, baby

DO IT!

They call me "Home Run Javy". . .

. . . until the playoffs. Then, they call me "Grand Slam Javy."

Here it is in the 2nd inning, and I just dealt a gift to some bum with a "B" on Seattle. That pitch was as big as the Big Apple itself. I guess I was pissed off, 'cause next batter up, I hit. I can't believe I'm hitting subnormal hitters on the 2nd or 3rd worst team in the American League. May be time for me to visit AJ Burnett's grandpa in Arkansas.

Even "Mister .220" Milton Bradley makes it to first safe on a grounder. As my mentor (who--oddly--chooses to remain anonymous) used to say, "The longer the season . . . the longer the season." Especially to you Yankee fans. "The longer the season . . . the longer the season."

As a positive approach, I've taken to watching all video in games where I had a lead! Which is usually only the first inning of any game, possibly only the first batter. But whether it's the first inning or the first batter, maybe it'll wear off, and I'll get used to having a lead.

One last item:

I decided that two days before every start, I will not take a shower, so at least I have an excuse to stink. Anybody says "You stink"--they're right!

That's it for now from Home Run Javy. As I'll be called soon by my teamies. That is, at least, until the playoffs, if we make them, where my name will change. Please don't let me load the bases!

He IS Javy, Not My Brother

They told me today —they're skipping my start in the rotation —Friday, in Boston... hmmm...

granted, I stink like some week-old mierda —But... I haven't been given a fair shake like my

dad used to shake me, and His father before him... I'll have you know that I come from a long line of whipping boys... anyhow, what to do with my day off Thursday up in beantown —Hey, I know! I'm going to visit Martha's Vineyard. I want to see the new Windmills they have built into the sea... just off the Kennedy Compound. I read somewhere that the one that died last year fought very hard to stop them from building these Windmills and blocking his view... well, every once in a while, life throws you a curveball... I only wish I hadn't throw that one to Konerko last Saturday... OK... I'm going to go visit the windmills, wow —if the Kennedy's were still alive, I might've been able to, like —take target practice with them and shoot at the Windmills —Hell...

It would be nice to see if even a bullet from a gun would go where I intended it to go... ahhh, I really don't have any clue...What's wrong... What to do? Wait! I have lots of money... What if... hmmm... better keep it quiet... What if (shhhhh) I pay off all the umpires in the league... pay'em big money to call any close pitch that isn't hit out of the park a strike... maybe —then, I could have just a wee bit of confidence that I would be able to get through one inning without putting my team in an early hole... nahhhhhh... Disabled List is the only place to go, and before I'm to make my next start at Yankee Stadium... Well... I get two hard bullpen sessions before my next start in Detroit... Maybe I can hit myself with a pitch in the ankle... I'd have to aim for my groin —yeah... then maybe I could hit my ankle —OK...first bullpen session... hit self in ankle with pitch... ankle swells... miss one month... then go from there...

I can't get anybody out... Not even this strange litle kid who's been in my locker since I got here —Why, I mean... I can't even get this strange kid out of my locker... That's how bad it is...Well... If worse comes to worse, I'll see if Granderson can ttrade me his groin pull for a Hamstring to be named later... Later... Over & Out.