BAD JAVIER DAY

EVERY day's a bad Javier day —why

Poor old Javy would be the only pitcher

to lose a perfect game

just As long

as he was pitching

for the New York Yankees

Even Jay Z couldn't make a Yankee Cap

more famous than a Yankee named Javy can

—A Yankee cap full of Mierda

No Cliff Lee; Javy's here to stay

Javy could throw 81 straight strikes

but still lose

cause six of his strikes

done been hit for home runs

one bad throw

and poor Javy goes on the defensive

and Poor Girardi feels Poor Javy needs

a chance to make amends

instead of letting Marte

get out the lefties

let the guy throw 81 strikes every game

for the rest of the season

let him do it for another team

bring up the kid with 2 gloves

who throws from both sides

Here's an idea for Joey G.

take Javy to the all star game

and let him hit in the home run contest

hell

he's seen enough of his own damn pitches

go out of the park

he's seen enough batters take that sweet swing

off of one of his fat pitches

and hit the ball out of the park

cause

that's the only way

his name and the Yankees

will ever be connected

at the top of the heap

Wake Up and Smell the Mierda

Javy Here, Fan and Foe — alike.

What a Night!

I take the mound at Fenway —Boom... Leadoff batter is (of all people) Carl Yaztrzemski... I strike him out on 2 pitches... the
third pitch, he hits for a double off the monster (would've been a single if Thames had been in left field, instead of sitting on the bench but it really doesn't matter where any of my guys are placed whenever I am pitching).
So —one on, no out... Pedroia at the Plate.. The Plate is this cool nightclub not far from our hotel... i love hanging out with Pedroia at The Plate... he knows everyone there... knows just what to order... last time we hung out together at The Plate, he told me to order a one way plane ticket to all National League Cities —just to be prepared... so, Pedroia's at the Plate; one on, no out... First pitch —ball... (hmm) A Ball hit out of the park... BAU... you ask, what the hell is BAU —well... I just made it up: Business as Usual, that's What, Folks...My teams down early 2 to Zip—Ok... Time to buckle down (in first class to that national league town)... Next Batter—David Ortiz... Him —even I can get out, and I do —while he's spitting on his hands... hell, he's the only bum that's a bigger bum than me right now... one out, none on; we're down 2 -0 (we didn't score in the first ‚
but, A-Rod did at The Plate last night)... And Now ... stepping up to the plate —WTF... over the PA, they announce... It's Ted Williams' Head... Only his head... Wow, Dude...
This's pretty far out... Ted Williams' Head... I thought they were just ribbing, but... here it comes... up to the plate... without a bat... just a head... Mister Girardi, our manager... comes out to argue that whatever comes up to the plate must use a bat —but
Nooooo... Francona shows an old rule which states: A Bat must have a Head —but, A Head need not a Bat —So... Here goes...
I pitch to Williams' Head... There seems to be a frost rising from his hovering head... Jeter yells out that it still must be somewhat frozen... Strike one... Next pitch —Strike two... Another —Strike three... Dude... what a relief... how could I ever show my face around tthe league again if I gave up a hit to a head? — But, Damn! Francona comes out with a rulebook which states: A Head without A Bat shall be Awarded 4 Strikes —OK... I pitch — Damn Damn! ... The ball hits the head and the head
takes off like shot out of a cannon, majestically, and I shut my eyes and hear a bell that keeps on ringing and wake up in our hotel right down the street from The Plate with a hangover that even my daddy couldn't shake and damn if all of this wasn't a dream, cause they skipped my next start, so I'll bide my time until Monday, when I'll face that damned Damon again and they'll see... they'll all look and they'll all see...and they'll know —that... I wouldn't even shag a fly (ball)... (four)... (fore)...
Look Out...