CLEAN-UP PITCHER

It ain't me, Babe... no, no, no... i never liked sweeping when I was a kid

and I think when I thought about a sweep

before the game tonight

the bane of my youth (sweeping)

is what i was left with

and in the 5th inning

I left some fat pitches over the plate

and mierda for the bullpen

to keep from sweeping...

No Sweep!

oswalt

here i come

i always wanted to visit nasa

i could wear one of those little medals with the insignia on it

if i were pitching for the astros

and

they are a last place team

so no weight on my back

and at nasa

weightlessness

let's see what happens when joey g. skips my next start

EVEN JAVY KNOWS

Hey! I start pitching good and the whole team falls apart... Go figure?

One thing that ain't so hard to figure is

since last they switched derek jeter to the leadoff spot

to bat johhny damon second

and it worked because of damon

but now damon's gone

and jeter ain't no leadoff hitter

he's the finest number 2

so if they cannot leadoff gardner soon

with or without me

hand the season down to luck

what a bad week except me

and before this week

it was

what a great season except me

mister 28 better get on the ball

If IT Weren't FOR (you know What)

Javy'd have no luck at all...

holding the line with my team ahead

2-nothing

instead of the other darn way around

and this bullflop happens

my hand gets clipped bunting a runner over

a bunting we will go

a bunting we will go

well like thy say

bullflop happens

but why does it happen to javy in ny

i thought it was the concrete jungle streets where dreams are made of

and there's nothing i can't do as long as it includes screwing up

i'm going to a hypnotist tomorrow

and have them put me under the spell

and say to me

you play for a national league team

you play for a national league team

over and over

until i believe this

and then my finger will get squashed again

or face damon with the (you know whats)

see you on the DL

JAVY

Heeeeerrrrre's JAVY!

This should be the new National (League) Anthem. My Javy, Tis of Thee. I guess I must like to swing the bat, too.

Why would that idiot Cashman bring me back to the American League? Why?

Lucky for me, I don't know the answer.

Why would that fool Cashman bring the Hurt Locker Nick Johnson back? (you know,

it's unreal, but his locker's on injured reserve, too)

Maybe the little person in my locker will move into Nick's locker while it's in rehab.

OK... I'm wanted back on the field, now... Gotta a job to do...bad decision or not...

JAVY METTLE

It's Javy time, people... fan and foes alike... my mother still loves me, so.... that's one at least i'm sure of... my wife i'm not so sure of though... even she's been leaving roy oswalt posters in her wake around the house... i mean, i open up the fridge and there's oswalt on the rack instead of my protein shakes... makes me kind of wonder, but there's no time for doubt now, now... i've got a national league lineup to peddle my wares to... look out mets... ok... i'm about to take the mound...hell, even i think they should switch jeter and gardner in the lineup... poor gardner...

he's done it all, but they're giving him the shaft again... jeter's one of the class number two hitters in the history of the game, i mean — as much so That his number is 2, duh... all right, here i go...

pray for me... let's see what i got besides a sock full of mierda so far...

WIN BY DeFAULT!

Yeah, Fans...

I just won by default...

default of Papelbon .

Crappybum —we call him in the Vasquez household...

maybe, like many of us entering this new decade, I've been reinvented!

Maybe I'll get all my wins by walkoff this year.

I sure as mierda ain't getting any from starting games, Right?

well, we're pretty happy in the clubhouse.

Right now, I don't even care about the little guy in my locker that I can't get out. Let him stay

there all season —I'm the winner!

jeez, how things get turned around —I mean... I would've started this game and gotten the loss if

Joey G. hadn't skipped my start, Right?

from loser to winner in 2 felled swoops.

I'll take it. Don't trade me. Some of the guys are starting to leave Oswalt posters

hanging in the shower everytime I go in...

Here I am... Reinvented... All my wins by Walkoff...

Something to strive for.

Adios!

B'TWEEN INNINGS W/JAVY V (top of the eighth)

my very best performance, and I can't get a break... complete game loss? I mean, how the hell do you think that looks on my baseball card, huh? Mierda, that how it looks... like mierda... up to the team now, top of the order... Damn, the greatest play in history... Jeter's out... now 2 out... ahhh,

I think I'm gonna quit while I'm behind —you know... forget about this ahead crap, right?

why quit when you're ahead? the right time to quit is when you're behind? of course, this year

I've had a lot of opportunities to quit while I'm behind... and this time I'm gonna do just that...

You just watch me, Folks...