A.RKANSAS J.AUNDICE Bigger Threat than IRENE

A.J. has gotten 4 outs and given up only 3 extra base hits so it really looks like he's turned his year around.
whoops, we spoke too soon —same amount of outs hits and runs —whoops —5 extra base hits (2 homers, 3 doubles)
6 runs —4 outs

Mayor Bloomberg called Girardi and said he must evacuate all starting pitchers from the A (J) sector

Girardi: OK A. J. give us 100 pitches tonight

A.rkansas J.aundice: Do wild pitches count?

Girardi: Well, A.J. —Do wild pitches count in the official pitch count?

A.J. I'm uh not sure —do they?

Girardi: Well, um —yes they do

A.J.. Good —Cause I'm pretty sure I can give you 100 pitches if wild pitches count.


6 outs —6 runs


Girardi: So you think you can hold it down to one run an out, A.J.?

A.J. : Um —Do Hit batsmen count as runs?

Girardi: Well, not if they don't score —Right? But if they cross the plate and are tabulated as
runs on the board during the course of the game —yes they do —so what about it:"?

A.J. I'm not doing anything after the game —what? you want to go out?

Girardi: No A.J. —What about holding the run count down to one an out tonight?

A.J. : Well, I guess that'd be something to shoot for, Skip.

Girardi: Well as of now you're on the mark...


here's what happens in the third:

9 outs, 6 runs

Jaundice owes the Orioles 3 runs in the fourth
plus one for each out

60 pitches, 6 hits (all extra base), 6 runs

Girardi: How about a new goal A.J. —1 run for every 10 pitches?
That way, it's possible for our team to stay in the game, you know 10, 11 runs
instead of 20,25?

A.J.: Okay, Skip —I'll see how much my mechanics agree -still owe'em for that engine work
they did on my GTO.


Looking Ahead to A.rkansas J.aundice's Next Start:

A.J. Burnett strikes out 15 consecutive batters in one inning and gives up 11 runs when
each third strike pitch he throws gets away from catcher Martin.


See You all in Post-Post-season October, Yankee Fans

The only thing he'll turn around will be his GTO.

70 pitches, 7 runs —A.J.'s right on track!

A.J.'s NUMBER 2

Cashman emphatically states A.J. is Number 2.

Just one shy of 6 outs in the first 2 innings —5 outs (not too shabby).

Leaves the bases loaded -but —Mauer could've hit a 3 run run shot

instead of getting a patented Arkansas Jaundice Walk

So looking on the bright side —A.J.'s Number 2.

Will he sit in the clubhouse or on the bench with his Steammates?

Steammates because they're steaming mad at his inability to succeed at being

any thing else but a steaming pile of Number 2.

Arkansas Jaundice is out of the game. The Yankees Win (the battle)

Meeting With Girardi:

J.G. : So what do you think the problem is?

A.J. : I don't know, Joe —Maybe because when I was little I used to shit in the woods

and rub any kid who was smaller than me's face in it and now I'm feeling guilty so I'm

being shit myself.

J.G. : Well, A.J. —What do you think we can do to turn this thing around, you know —in your mind, and get you straightened out?

A.J. : Well, Joe —I was thinking that maybe since you're a little bit smaller than me —uh

J.G. : Don't even think about it, fella

A.J. : Well, what about that little Brett Gardner?

J.G. : Rubbing your feces on the face of someone smaller than you isn't part of the solution,

Burnsy. I want you to think about something constructive to turn this thing around

and I mean ASAP Pronto —OK?

A.J. : What about that Coach Mike Kelleher?

J.G. : Will you please forget about rubbing shit in people's faces and think about how you can stop shitting on your teammates with these back to back to back to back to back wait let me look at the charts (LOOKS AT CHARTS) To back to back to back um April of last year —to back non-quality starts, man. Now get back to the bench and get ready for your next start.

A.J. : And, uh —Joe —uh, When would that be?

J.G. : (LOOKS AT CHARTS) I don't know —What say —We go out and get shit-faced?

THE END —Arkansas Jaundice is out of the game and we're getting back into it —Let's Go!

NO CLUE IS AS NO CLUE DOES

Arkansas Jaundice is back on the mound for the Yanks and boy are their arms tired...

Throwing those long doubles off the wall balls back in to keep the damage down...

They've seen Defeatle and the Damage Done with Jaundice pitching...

Every Excuse in the world for this bum: Let's see if he can climb the dugout stairs

and point where the rosin bag is —Uh Oh —Wild Pitch, run scores —let me tell you bob and tom and dread and malice —look for anything as a positive sign —he's thrown 100 pitches yet 8 of them for strikes and only 6 wild pitches and 13 walks but we're only down by 35 runs and it's only the bottom of the first but he's got two outs and he's ahead on the count to the guy at the plate and we've got a chance to get a few runs back with our 4, 5 & 6 hitter coming up in the top of the second if they remember how to hit —Down 2-0 after the first; there's a good chance we'll win when he (Ole Arkansas Jaundice)'s given the old heave ho.

WILL HE EVER WIN

Will Fleetwood Slack —Ole Arkansas Jaundice ever beat an American League team again?

0-fer since round early June against any team in own league, but Jaundice leads the majors,

majors, majors —In really Wild pitches.

Field of Nightmares: (Girardi hears an eerie voice)If He Pitches You Will Lose...

Pull the plug on this Putrid Punk and put him out to Pasture on a field of fetid flop.

OK —We've got the lead back thanks to Jeter.

Now let's watch the tattooed hate boy give it back. Sounds almost familiar.

something like a ritual. He's different! He's Different! You give him a 13-1 lead and he blows it!

He different! Burn Him! Burnett him at the Steak over the coach from last years eye.

Here he comes back for the 6th. Let's close our eyes and pray...

What the "A" & the "J" in A.J. Stands For:

At one time —the Yankees had "Louisiana Lightning" —Ron Guidry, a battler —a Winner.

Now, Sadly —Time has evolved such to give us "Arkansas Jaundice" —A.J. Burnett, A Tattooed

Hate Boy Psycho Loser

"Arkansas Jaundice"

Bench Him Today

SAY DIE (the opposite of Never Say Die)

SAY DIE DIE

Dead on their Feet

in the box, on the mound

on the field

it was written sometime about MID-MAY

mid one Javy start

cum

wait till August to teach Grandy how to Hit

and

never work Gardner into a Leadoff Man

Time to give Girardi his own Fantasy team

and let him live and die with the stats of the day before

in a delusional dream world parallel to a real 162 game schedule

Let's give the ball to Robertson one more time

just in case he throws one pitch like he did the year before

wake up, pal

he didn't and he won't because he can't

wake up

wake up and go to sleep

go to sleep and forget about last offseason

Nick Johnsom —Ha!

I say HAH!

HAHH! HAH! HAH!!

who

uncannily was injured cleaning out his locker today

and will miss the rest of the offseason

with a pulled pork sandwich

The Year in review

I Say HAH!

2009

Nothing good ever lasts

Losing Damon and Matsui didn't work Hal and Hank

and neither do either of you

BEST THING ABOUT THE OFFSEASON

NO VASQUEZ ON NEXT YEAR'S TEAM

Someone Hold the Door there for Javy

Hey, Nick! Hold the Door For Javy

(Crash. Door Crushes Nick Johnson's Hand)

NICK: OUCH! Whad'Ya Say?

YANKEE FAN BASE: NEVER MIND

PLEASE TUNE IN TO NY RANGERS BLOG:

THERE'S TOR-TERELLA THAN MEETS GOODBYE

(MAYBE)

GOODBYE

FINAL FINAL (FINAL)

A 4 Year old Child Would've pulled Burnett after walking the left handed whomever...

A 6 Year old Child would've had Logan ready to pitch to the left handed whomever...

An 8 year old Child would've had Joba or anyone come out for the top of the 6th...

Good night to this year —whose days had seen much better ones...

Good night to Bob Sheppard and So Long Freddie Sez...

So long Damon and Matsui...

Too bad about Tex —because

I was prepared to start

a Donate 5 Dollars

So Texiera Can Buy a Hit Fund

through Paypal

in the morning

If

sweet if

the

Yanks had won the game

but now all he needs

is a plane ticket

back home

the only really good goodbye

is

So Long Javy Vasquez

your third time around as a Yankee will be

as a piñata in the Hard Rock Cafe

Good Bye

Parting with this year is very sweet sorrow indeed

and

as i've said throughout the year

hello

all the unscored, non-manufactured runs

of 02, 03,04,05,06,07,08 and 10

when a turd the size of bengi molina

can empty out your lockers...

good bye to the magic

welcome back to the norm...

a.j. burnett should get shocked on the mound everytime he throws a ball in the dirt

zapppppppp

ohhhh

he'd learn

like the little dead dog head case he is

zap the whipping boy...

see what they can do about that little ditty in the spring...

So long till then...

go s.f.giants

where

no one's got a name anybody recognizes

other than the heart on their sleeves...

and The Mills Brothers sing Till Then...