A.J.'s NUMBER 2

Cashman emphatically states A.J. is Number 2.

Just one shy of 6 outs in the first 2 innings —5 outs (not too shabby).

Leaves the bases loaded -but —Mauer could've hit a 3 run run shot

instead of getting a patented Arkansas Jaundice Walk

So looking on the bright side —A.J.'s Number 2.

Will he sit in the clubhouse or on the bench with his Steammates?

Steammates because they're steaming mad at his inability to succeed at being

any thing else but a steaming pile of Number 2.

Arkansas Jaundice is out of the game. The Yankees Win (the battle)

Meeting With Girardi:

J.G. : So what do you think the problem is?

A.J. : I don't know, Joe —Maybe because when I was little I used to shit in the woods

and rub any kid who was smaller than me's face in it and now I'm feeling guilty so I'm

being shit myself.

J.G. : Well, A.J. —What do you think we can do to turn this thing around, you know —in your mind, and get you straightened out?

A.J. : Well, Joe —I was thinking that maybe since you're a little bit smaller than me —uh

J.G. : Don't even think about it, fella

A.J. : Well, what about that little Brett Gardner?

J.G. : Rubbing your feces on the face of someone smaller than you isn't part of the solution,

Burnsy. I want you to think about something constructive to turn this thing around

and I mean ASAP Pronto —OK?

A.J. : What about that Coach Mike Kelleher?

J.G. : Will you please forget about rubbing shit in people's faces and think about how you can stop shitting on your teammates with these back to back to back to back to back wait let me look at the charts (LOOKS AT CHARTS) To back to back to back um April of last year —to back non-quality starts, man. Now get back to the bench and get ready for your next start.

A.J. : And, uh —Joe —uh, When would that be?

J.G. : (LOOKS AT CHARTS) I don't know —What say —We go out and get shit-faced?

THE END —Arkansas Jaundice is out of the game and we're getting back into it —Let's Go!