Wake Up and Smell the Mierda

Javy Here, Fan and Foe — alike.

What a Night!

I take the mound at Fenway —Boom... Leadoff batter is (of all people) Carl Yaztrzemski... I strike him out on 2 pitches... the
third pitch, he hits for a double off the monster (would've been a single if Thames had been in left field, instead of sitting on the bench but it really doesn't matter where any of my guys are placed whenever I am pitching).
So —one on, no out... Pedroia at the Plate.. The Plate is this cool nightclub not far from our hotel... i love hanging out with Pedroia at The Plate... he knows everyone there... knows just what to order... last time we hung out together at The Plate, he told me to order a one way plane ticket to all National League Cities —just to be prepared... so, Pedroia's at the Plate; one on, no out... First pitch —ball... (hmm) A Ball hit out of the park... BAU... you ask, what the hell is BAU —well... I just made it up: Business as Usual, that's What, Folks...My teams down early 2 to Zip—Ok... Time to buckle down (in first class to that national league town)... Next Batter—David Ortiz... Him —even I can get out, and I do —while he's spitting on his hands... hell, he's the only bum that's a bigger bum than me right now... one out, none on; we're down 2 -0 (we didn't score in the first ‚
but, A-Rod did at The Plate last night)... And Now ... stepping up to the plate —WTF... over the PA, they announce... It's Ted Williams' Head... Only his head... Wow, Dude...
This's pretty far out... Ted Williams' Head... I thought they were just ribbing, but... here it comes... up to the plate... without a bat... just a head... Mister Girardi, our manager... comes out to argue that whatever comes up to the plate must use a bat —but
Nooooo... Francona shows an old rule which states: A Bat must have a Head —but, A Head need not a Bat —So... Here goes...
I pitch to Williams' Head... There seems to be a frost rising from his hovering head... Jeter yells out that it still must be somewhat frozen... Strike one... Next pitch —Strike two... Another —Strike three... Dude... what a relief... how could I ever show my face around tthe league again if I gave up a hit to a head? — But, Damn! Francona comes out with a rulebook which states: A Head without A Bat shall be Awarded 4 Strikes —OK... I pitch — Damn Damn! ... The ball hits the head and the head
takes off like shot out of a cannon, majestically, and I shut my eyes and hear a bell that keeps on ringing and wake up in our hotel right down the street from The Plate with a hangover that even my daddy couldn't shake and damn if all of this wasn't a dream, cause they skipped my next start, so I'll bide my time until Monday, when I'll face that damned Damon again and they'll see... they'll all look and they'll all see...and they'll know —that... I wouldn't even shag a fly (ball)... (four)... (fore)...
Look Out...